One Step Forward...Two Steps Back

Yesterday I had my meeting with a local adoption agency. To say that things did not go well, may have been the understatement of the century. Between bouts of the agent trying to talk me out of adoption, accusing me of being close-minded and stupid, and telling me time and time again that I have to be patient, I quickly decided that this was most certainly NOT the agency for us.

Bottom line, we will look for an agency in the Lower 48 that does placements in Alaska. With a lower population, especially in Central Alaska, there just aren't as many children to adopt. Now that I have a bigger playing field I will have more research to do, and of course it will depend if the agency does out of state placements. We do have a list of agencies to start with, and I guess tiem will tell.

We have also discussed possibly searching for our own birthmother, so we have a lot of thinking to do, and it should make for an exciting winter.

It is exciting, frightening and mind-boggling but I'm sure the excitement will help make it less scary, and once we get comfortable with the process it will hopefully become more clear.

Have a happy day!

Chachacha- Changes

A lot can change in the matter of days. It seems that things are finally starting to fall into place. Hallelujah!

We have rented a new home, with room for three. It's a quiet little place in the woods, not far from where we are now. 2 bedrooms, and cozy. But I can handle cozy. I have a job. And while it's not the big job I was hoping for, it's a job I love. So I'll take it.

On top of that, I finally scheduled an appointment with the agency in Fairbanks. Our appt will be on Monday, July 27. In the meantime I'm looking for my book so I know what to ask, expect, and what I should know. So we'll see how it is.

I am having some allergy issues, but I'm upbeat. I'm plugging away at the weight loss so I can be a happy, healthy, active mommy, and well, things are looking up. So up, up and away we go.

Have a happy day!

Up, Down, Up, Down

Can you see where I associate with the roller coaster? It's constant. One day I feel confident and secure in my decision, the next I get frustrated when things don't go my way. Apparently the day I wrote the last post I wasn't feeling any warm fuzzies. I am, however, happy to say that things are good.

I have found a job that I love. And no, it may not be what I was hoping for financially, but I feel fulfilled and I'm happy. We have decided to push forward. I have no idea how long the process will take, and my only major issue right now is that our living arrangements haven't changed, and that will probably delay our homestudy process.

We're both tired of waiting. We've really waited long enough. We soooo want to be parents. I am sure that there are one, or two, children out there that are meant to be ours. And that is exciting. I'm not afraid of adopting, or suddenly having everything I've been waiting for for 9 long years, I'm afraid of moving forward only to have to wait. Again.

I am choosing to ignore that possibility and push forward. So that's where we are. I am going to contact a couple local agencies to meet with them this week. And then check into any classes, seminars, counseling we may need. I am assuming that will depend on the agency we choose, and so on.

I'm so excited... :) Have a happy day!

When things just don't work

I am taking a break. From all things baby. For my sanity, for my health, I'm just putting it on the back burner for now. Not long (hopefully) but long enough. Right now things just aren't happening as quickly as I'd like, or in the order that I'd like.

I had two interviews today, but neither is Oscar worthy. I would love the one, like the other, and well, neither one of them will fulfill my wallet as much as I'd like. I think I'm having a small and early mid-life crisis. Is crisis the correct word? I don't know. But right now, short of living in a great state, and possibly finding a new job, not much else is falling into place.

So, I need to step back and take a look at what's wrong, and fix it. I need to find, figure and fix, and then I'll be back. But I'm hopeful and positive that soon we'll be chugging along...again. :)

Have a happy day!

Hmmmm...

I have been thinking about all of this for most of the day. I am looking for a job. I was so hopeful and excited today, everything seemed to be going my way. Then I checked the status on three jobs that I applied for, and they deemed me unqualified. Pffft. Wrong answer. I knew that finding a job would be challenging, but now that I know that once I actually get a job, and get things lined up we can start the paperwork and the process to finally being a family, with children, it seems like it just isn't going to happen.

I'm still optimistic, and hopeful, but I'm growing impatient, and nervous, and bummed. Sparky is convinced that I don't have a chance at the job that I really want, and while I'll admit that he's the more pessimistic of the two of us, I know that I have to think in terms of reality. I know no one. Well, I know like 6 people here. One being my husband, so that makes my chances even more slim. And well, these jobs are good jobs, highly sought after, for good reason, but dang it, I was really hoping that I might have a shot. I'm not out, and I have faith, but I have started applying for other jobs that aren't really exactly what I was looking for.

So, I'm trying to be patient, but I am so anxious to get this all started. I want to shout it from the roof tops, and I'm really anxious to finally meet my child. And I know that portion of it is still a ways off, but I'm really excited to move closer to the point in which I can meet my child. Hold him/her in my arms, and I'm not going to share. LOL. Okay, maybe I will, I just want to see who has been waiting for me, as long as I've been waiting for him/her. Now, is that too much to ask?

Summer is here!

Happy Summer!

We are hoping for a fun and busy summer. One of the jobs that I have applied for closes at the end of this week. I am excited and hopeful, but also aware that it may not happen, and have begun making a list of other options. Hopefully I won't need them, but just in case, I'm prepared.

This week we are also hoping to finalize everything with the new rental. The owner is young, having fun, and very busy, which is great, but I need to get some things hammered out as the one month deadline is coming up very soon. So that's on the list of things to do.

Other than that, we are just enjoying our new decision. Growing increasingly comfortable with it every day, and I've noticed that Brent is voicing this decision, almost more than I do. That's the interesting twist. In the past Brent has always been more resistant to adoption, but now he's all for it, full speed ahead, which is great.

This week I'm also hoping to research more agencies in Alaska, and hopefully find some real information that doesn't come from a book. We don't know anyone here who has adopted through an agency, like we did in Minnesota, so it turns the tables a little bit. However, I am a firm believer in trusting my instincts, so I think we'll be fine. With instinct and prayer we will prevail! Ha!

So, happy day! I'll be back when I have some real news!!

Springing Along

As we inch up on summer, things seem to be looking up. Seem to be. I learned a long time ago never to count on anything that isn't written in stone. Like, just because we think we have a new place to live, doesn't mean we do. And just because I've applied for a million jobs, doesn't mean that I will be fortunate to land any of them. But in all positive thinking, I believe we're just that much closer to having a place to live.

We took a stroll out to see it tonight. Well, to see the outside. So we drove up and gawked and got our eye full. So, it looks promising. Very, very promising. So, hopefully in the next few days we'll be able to get a look inside, and then, God willing, we can cross that off our list.

Other than that, I'm still scanning the want ads and job search sites every single day. However, my options are limited. But I have faith that in time, it will happen. I pray and search for patience, but I'm having a hard time with patience. Patience is not something that comes to me easily, so being patient is a huge stretch for me. HUGE. So, somedays I just pretend that it's okay, and that seems to help. Some days I try not to think about any of it at all. And today I packed. Premature? Perhaps, but it's just stuff that we don't use and the space is and could be better utilized and occupied by other objects and articles.

So, that's what I do to try to stay optomistic. That and clean. I have been a cleaning machine. Windows, closets, cabinets, floors, porches, sheds and basically anything that stands still long enough. Watch out! Here I come.... LOL.