Possibilities and Disappointments

As the title of the blog suggests, adoption is a roller coaster ride. One minute you're up, the next you're down. Then you're down for a while, and all of sudden you get this amazing facebook message and your entire world changes.

Incidentally, an amazing facebook message is where it started. There were no promises, and in the end, the maybe baby that started it all was not meant to be. Miss Carlee went to Heaven at 22 weeks. She was named by her mother, not by me.

Once we had put that behind us, we moved forward. Only to discover that just because you want something really badly, and can afford it, doesn't mean the process is going to be easy. We are struggling with financing. It's hard. Lending regulations have tightened, and we don't have cash in the ready in the amount we need. So, perseverance is part of the process and we moved forward. I found an agency that does their own financing. Sounds great. But the price tag is about $15,000 MORE than the first agency we chose. Either way. We're confused.

Then Friday came another wonderful facebook message. From a dear friend. Telling us about a 5 yo boy, eligible for adoption. In Minnesota. We're waiting for more information, and praying for guidance. God can give me all the signs he wants, however, my interpretation of them is sometimes off. And when it's not off, I'm freaked out. I'm a girl that likes adventure and yet I'm scared silly!

So, we wait. We pray. And we wait some more...

Perhaps it's not always best to name the post, and then write the post? Perhaps? I don't know. Things are chugging along. Still waiting on a completed homestudy. Brent has his physical next week, I need to check and make sure that the info has come back from my doctor, and then check with our caseworker to find out where we are, and what she still needs from us.

We have fabulous family and friends and they have ALL turned in letters of reference, or phone calls in some cases, and we are so very blessed.

At the moment we are trying to find financing. Not an easy task in the wilds of Alaska without home equity. We have other sources of income, but I'd really like to save those for the purposes they were intended, especially since a child brings the burden of responsibility, care and college. LOL.

In the meantime we are preparing for the future. Maintaining a level of hope and belief and planning a nursery. Who knew that a gender neutral nursery could be such a fear-inducing process. We're excited. We're viewing this as a pregnancy. Our baby may come sooner or later than the average pregnancy, but that's not the point. I know that he/she is out there, just waiting for us, like we're waiting for him/her. For me, that's good enough.

Happy day!