Seasons Change Again

Fall is here! Well, fall is here and nearly over. I think that would be a better explanation of our weather here. But I'm not complaining. I'm soaking in every last single little bit of sunshine, and playing, playing, playing. That doesn't mean, however, that babies/kids/children/family aren't constantly on our minds. They have been for um, about 10 years now, so why should it be any different now.



We're still processing things. Doing research about our options, and trying to open our minds and expand our thinking beyond the boundaries we had previously set for ourselves, and for our family. Time does indeed heal all wounds, and brings closure to parts of our lives. For us, it's helped us realize what we want, and need perhaps, in a family. I certainly have come a long way in the years since we first began trying to build our family.



Sparky goes out of town next week and I'll use the extra time that I have, since he won't be here to haul me off into the woods, to do additional resource. Perhaps I'll even get brave and make some phone calls and inquiries. It's a scary business, to realize that with the right contact, the right decision, all of our dreams could come true.



Having a family is something that I always took for granted. And while I could dwell on the negatives of infertility I have a harder time doing that these days. There are too many things to be thankful for, so I try to focus on the positives, what I can do, what will happen, and what I can change about myself, my life. For 9 years my whole focus in life has been on babies. How to get them, why they weren't coming, and now, I'm happy to just live. Be happy, be present, let go and let God.

These days I'm active in our pursuit to become a slightly larger family, but I don't dwell. I'm filling up my life with new experiences, new goals, and a new focus on life. It's me time. I have never given myself the time to reach my potential. Whatever that may be. So, for now, I'm exploring, researching and just plain old having fun.

Have a happy day!

13 Things

In an effort to let you understand all my quirks and jerks, here are 13 things about me you may have guessed, may know, and may not have had a clue! Enjoy!

1. At 18, I thought I was an old maid and I'd NEVER get married. 3 mos. later I met the love of my life...and thought of him more of a one night stand. Boy, my radar was ba-roke.

2. I was Miss Hometown. But I didn't actually win the crown, it was a hand-me-down crown. I was first (or second) runner up and was crowned at someone's house. Lame. But I thought I was a rockstar.

3. If my dad had boobs or I was bald and male, we'd be twins.

4. At one point in my life I wanted to be a mortician.

5. My brother and my husband have the same name.

6. I love The Hills.

7. When I was 6 I wanted to change my name to Kimberly.

8. I've had my best friend since Kindergarten.

9. I really want to go back to school for Interior Design.

10. I'm afraid that I'll never be a mom.

11. I was in 4-H and took my pig (yes, oinker) to the State Fair.

12. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 17.

13. I'd love to live in New York City...if only for a year.

Seeds of Change

Things are chaniging. Everywhere. Some of those changes are freeing, exhillerating, and scary. Others are sad and tragic. But change happens whether we want it to, or not.

This past weekend we traveled to South Dakota to visit Grandma. Grandma is actually Sparky's Grandma, but I love her too, so I get to claim her. It's my right for staying married to him this long. lol. Grandma just lost Grandpa. She's sad, oh so, so sad, and she's grieving. I'm hoping that just being with her made her realize that she truly isn't alone. That even though we can't be with her all the time we keep her close in our hearts, and we love her, and miss her. I know it's not enough to fill the void that Grandpa left. They've loved eachother for a lifetime. After 69 years and 50 weeks of marriage, Grandpa said good bye. We're sad. But Grandma feels the loss in a much, much deeper way. We love you Grandma. Sometimes change breaks your heart.

Sparky's aunt J has cancer. Cancer is a beast. I hate cancer. It takes life and breath from loved ones much, much too often. J's has returned, or perhaps it never left, and we can only pray. Pray that God will be kind in her fight. Whatever He decides. Change. Sometimes it just sucks.

Grandma got a new neighbor at her assisted living facility. The new neighbor is a nun. Which means, gasp, that she's Catholic. Now, to you and I this may not seem a major defining factor of her life, or her character, but to Grandma it's foreign and it's frightening. So, now Grandma's biggest fear is the "the nun" will try to convert her. Sometimes change can make you laugh.

Sparky is looking for a new job. I think I've mentioned that before. lol. Well, he has an offer on the table. North. Far North of where we are. WAAAAAY. North. We're talking Alaska people. Sparky has yet to accept the position as he's waiting to hear on another job to the West. Wyoming. This is THE job he's been waiting for. However, he doesn't know if he'll be offered the position, and let's face it, you just can't put all your eggs in one basket. So, we wait. And make a Plan B. Change. Sometimes it's exhillerating.

My younger brother, okay, my baby brother turns 30 next month. Uff da. I'm old. So his girlfriend is throwing him a party. I'm hoping we'll be able to attend. But only time will tell, and since it's quite a distance that seperates us, we'll truly just have to wait and see. Change. Sometimes it's inevitable.

Change. It can be a lot of things. So tell me, what's changing in your world?