Search Party

Well, as promised, or threatened depending how you look at it, I have been searching, searching and researching adoption information. There is a lot of information out there, and a lot of good, truthful, honest information, and I'm assuming an equal amount of dirty old jerks trying to rip off good people.

As I've been wading through information I was have been growing apprehensive and nervous. There is a lot to consider with parenting in general, but specifically with adoption. More than I anticipated, I think. Anyway, just when I was feeling down and discouraged, for oh, about the 199,987th time, I stumbled across a website that specializes in adoption finance. Financing is difficult with adoption. I have no house, so a home equity loan is out of question, and I can't really use a baby as collateral, can I? lol. I've been reading for an accurate expectation of what an "average" adoption costs. And well, the figures are all over the board. The best I can come up with is that the average cost is $15-45k. That's a huge difference. The first number is entirely doable the high end of that, makes me start hyperventilating!

Since Alaska has very few birth parents that place their children willingly, we are looking at other resources. One of those is a referral agency. So far, we're finding a number of available situations which is hopeful, but we're also finding that they're on the upper range of the aforementioned numbers. This is the part that is hard to swallow. I understand some of the fees, I'm not so keen on some of the others. I will pay any amount to make sure that the birthparents have adequate, and hopefully really good, counseling. I can only imagine what a life-changing decision this is, and the pain and emotional trauma associated with it.

But, I have an issue with living expenses. And it's legal, I've done research there. One birthmom was asking to have her dental work paid for, many others ask for living expenses, and while I understand their needs, I don't always understand how I, or the potential adoptive parents, are responsible for all their needs. We are providing a life, a home, an education for a child they cannot, or choose not, to parent. My head has a hard time wrapping around this, my heart says to just shut up and go for it. But I'm not independantly wealthy and I would like to send my kids to college... :)

Anyway, so more research to be done. And we'll find the process that's right for us.

Have a happy day!

Seasons Change Again

Fall is here! Well, fall is here and nearly over. I think that would be a better explanation of our weather here. But I'm not complaining. I'm soaking in every last single little bit of sunshine, and playing, playing, playing. That doesn't mean, however, that babies/kids/children/family aren't constantly on our minds. They have been for um, about 10 years now, so why should it be any different now.



We're still processing things. Doing research about our options, and trying to open our minds and expand our thinking beyond the boundaries we had previously set for ourselves, and for our family. Time does indeed heal all wounds, and brings closure to parts of our lives. For us, it's helped us realize what we want, and need perhaps, in a family. I certainly have come a long way in the years since we first began trying to build our family.



Sparky goes out of town next week and I'll use the extra time that I have, since he won't be here to haul me off into the woods, to do additional resource. Perhaps I'll even get brave and make some phone calls and inquiries. It's a scary business, to realize that with the right contact, the right decision, all of our dreams could come true.



Having a family is something that I always took for granted. And while I could dwell on the negatives of infertility I have a harder time doing that these days. There are too many things to be thankful for, so I try to focus on the positives, what I can do, what will happen, and what I can change about myself, my life. For 9 years my whole focus in life has been on babies. How to get them, why they weren't coming, and now, I'm happy to just live. Be happy, be present, let go and let God.

These days I'm active in our pursuit to become a slightly larger family, but I don't dwell. I'm filling up my life with new experiences, new goals, and a new focus on life. It's me time. I have never given myself the time to reach my potential. Whatever that may be. So, for now, I'm exploring, researching and just plain old having fun.

Have a happy day!

Highs and Lows

Well, it seems the world of fertility has been wonderful, and horrible, for many of my friends and family. While it's not my place to make announcements, I have had the wonderful joy of sharing in a pregnancy of a friend that has been waiting 10 long years for this moment. We are all hoping and praying that her little one is a sticky little bean.

With ups come downs, and a member of Sparky's family recently lost a baby. We keep them in our thoughts and prayers and hope that they will experience the joy of a happy and healthy pregnancy soon.

My womb continues to be barren, and I sometimes wonder if there might be a cobweb or two in there. But I am good. And looking forward to winter when we'll have time to do the research necessary to make the decision to move forward. It's hard to know what path to choose, but I'm confident that we'll make the right decision for our family.

I'm back online and hoping to update more regularly. Have a happy, happy day!!