15 Days

I've started this post a few times.  There are so many things to say, and I have no words to say them.  I'm speechless.

Our life is about to change.  I've had this said to me a number of times in the past few weeks.  I would like to say, I know.  I know that it will change in ways I cannot yet fathom.  I know it already has.  I know that this is the change we've been waiting for for way too many years.  We are ready.  We are more than ready.  We have been waiting.  For too long.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I know that friends and family members are well-intentioned.  But sometimes it feels like their words of wisdom are a bit loaded, perhaps even threats.  We are older parents, perhaps not by choice, but it was a concerted effort.  The road to get here has not been easy, and my life has not been full of long vacations, late nights of partying, and bon bons on the couch.

We are not afraid, naive or saddened by the changes he'll bring to our lives.  He is wanted.  We have prayed, cried, begged and prayed some more for him.  I loved him from the moment I knew he was a possibility.  Perhaps even before.

We have been doubly blessed with his birthmother.  A kind, strong, loving mother.  She knows what she wants for her child, and she's determined to make it happen.  She knows that for now, she is not enough, and that he deserves the thing that she can't give him.  A father.  A family.  

My heart breaks for her, but she is amazing.  I know that I would not be strong enough to choose life, choose adoption, I would be too selfish.  She is honest, caring and funny.  She's courageous.  I hope that in the years to come BB will know all these things about his first mother.  I hope he knows she chose this path for him, for her, for all of us.

I hope he won't feel unloved and abandoned.  I hope she stays a part of our lives.  I hope she knows that I love her.  I want her to know she's his family, she's our family.  Without her we wouldn't be a family.

We are 15 days away.  We are ready.  We are excited.  We are nervous.  We are grateful.