Another day older...

Wait, make that another year older. That's right. This year I turned 35. And while I thought it would hit me hard, it didn't. I have no idea why. Maybe because I'm happy where I am, hopeful about the future, and I have never been one to conform to society's ideas about motherhood. So, would I have chosen to start my family after 35? Nope. Not really. But I have much to be thankful for.

There have been moments in my life when I haven't been as positive. There are times when I've been very depressed about my infertility. While I would have loved to have the opportunity to choose the timing and number of children in our family, I have learned a lot from my infertility.

I'm sure you all watch the news. And today one of the headlines is about a Food Network chef that hired a homeless (or allegedly hired a homeless man or two) to kill his wife. Now it's coming out that SHE wanted to die because she couldn't have children. Oh puhlease.

Yes, infertility is a gut punch. Yes, it's a kick in the head, when you're down and think you just might be able to get back up. It's hard on a marriage, it's hard on your psyche, and sometimes I just don't want to get out of bed. I, however, have NEVER wanted to die because of it. So, I don't understand this excuse. This cop out.

And frankly, it pisses me off. This one person that "wants to die because she can't be a mother" makes us all look weak, and crazy. It's not that I don't get that stereotype enough as it is. Now there's this, to count against every infertile woman that's fought hard to overcome this damaging misconception. Have I cried when friends/family have gotten pregnant? Yes. Have I thrown a tantrum or two? Perhaps. But it's about me. Not them. It's not that I'm not so happy for them. It's that I'm sad for me. Sad for what I can't have. Why is that so bad? People cry over things all the time? They cry over lost goals/dreams/wishes. But because I'm a woman and I'm infertile, I'm crazy. Bite me.

I can imagine that I'm fortunate. While Sparky and I have struggled and waivered, in many ways infertility has made us stronger. We've had to fight against opinions for many years. Opinions about our relationship, opinions about how/when/if we start a family. We've had to defend ourselves in ways that the average couple doesn't have to. No, we haven't had a perfect life. We aren't perfect people. But we have both worked hard to stay together and become stronger.

So, here I am. 35 and looking forward to starting my family. If you don't like it, that's fine. I don't need you to be okay with our choices. Because it's our family. Mine, and Sparky's. I know that the choices we make aren't the choices that a lot of people would make. And their choices wouldn't work for me.

I'm looking forward to my 35th year. I have a feeling it's going to be great!