More than my Infertility

I'm on facebook. Are you on facebook? Anyway, it's a great tool for staying in touch. It seems like everyone gets busier and busier these days and no one has time for a full email let alone a full phone call. Anyway, on facebook they put together all these little notes. In one note you are to name 25 random things about you. One of my 25 things was this:



My infertility does not define me and will not keep me from being a mother.



It's true. I am so much more than this label that has been placed on me. Most infertile women are more than this horrible, horrible thing that has happened to them, and yet, it seems like it's the only thing that some of the people in their lives can remember about them.

Infertility has changed me. I no longer take things for granted, I'm no longer willing to just take someone else's word and leave it at that, I am stronger, I am strong-willed, and I am less romantic about most notions in life.

For a long time I have regretted not completing college. At the time, I just wasn't ready. I had no desire once I got there, all I wanted was to get married and have children. I have always planned on going back to school when the kids were in school. Sounds reasonable and normal. However, 9 years later I still want to go to school, and there are no children. So, now I have to re-evaluate another portion of my life and come up with a solution that I am happy with.

That seems what my life has become. Re-evaluations and solutions, or compromises if you will. But I guess that's what life always is.

Career Day

My job. Is just that. Just a job. It's not something that I love. Or hate. But I don't like it. Not because the job is difficult, not because I work with rude or inconsiderate people, nope, my job is just the opposite. I'm bored. And I don't fit. I just...don't. I can't really explain it. A large part of my job is accounting, which I hate, loathe. If I had known what a large part of the job it was, I most likely would have turned it down. Accounting, for me, sucks. Sucks donkey dick. I hate it. So, I try to overcome it.

The people. The people are the only reason I'm there. Okay, the benefits factor in there, but the people are super nice. Very nice. Except, they're nothing like me. Our personalities don't match. They're kind, they're quiet, dreadfully, frightfully quiet, and frankly. I. just. don't. fit.

So, this has got me thinking. I have a lot of time left before I can retire. A lot. So, I need to re-evaluate and figure out when, where, and how I"m going to do it. I want to design. Spaces. Interiors. Homes. My father of course thinks this is the single most ridiculous thing he's heard. He has never met anyone that's hired an interior designer. Bar the fact that I grew up, and my parents still live in, a town of 200 people in the middle of Butt Fuck Egypt. Good heavens. People in my life have absolutely no faith in me. None. Whatsoever.

So, in between my dad lecturing me in the middle of Hobby Lobby, I decided. I'm going to go to school. I'm going to get my degree. I'm going to change my life. Change it. Forever. I've waited and waited for my kids to go to school so I could go to school, and let's face, those damn kids got lost somewhere. lol. So, I've started researching schools, and programs, and well, everything. After we get settled I plan to start. Looks like I'm going to have a very busy year!