Highs and Lows

Well, it seems the world of fertility has been wonderful, and horrible, for many of my friends and family. While it's not my place to make announcements, I have had the wonderful joy of sharing in a pregnancy of a friend that has been waiting 10 long years for this moment. We are all hoping and praying that her little one is a sticky little bean.

With ups come downs, and a member of Sparky's family recently lost a baby. We keep them in our thoughts and prayers and hope that they will experience the joy of a happy and healthy pregnancy soon.

My womb continues to be barren, and I sometimes wonder if there might be a cobweb or two in there. But I am good. And looking forward to winter when we'll have time to do the research necessary to make the decision to move forward. It's hard to know what path to choose, but I'm confident that we'll make the right decision for our family.

I'm back online and hoping to update more regularly. Have a happy, happy day!!

Trucking Along...

Well, I've been confused. And well, a little discouraged, and then I stopped. Now we're trucking along...again. I think we'll wait until winter to make any big decisions. But it's good to know that we are just that much closer to having a child in our home.

There are many things that we'll have to think about, living in rural Alaska. But they're mini challenges and I refuse to give up just because things might not go according to my plan. Ha! Oh, that's funny. My plan. My plan no longer exists, and I'm a-okay with that! Now we have a new plan, and I'm pretty sure I won't miss the old plan at all!

The word is getting out now, and for the most part, I think just about everyone we know, and even some we don't know, know that we hope to add through our family through adoption. I've been doing more research, and soul searching, and hopefully soon we'll know which way to go.

We are facing our first challenge happily, and while we are now considering options that we wouldn't have considered before, I feel confident that it will only lead us to the right path. The one in which we are destined to take.

Have a happy day!

Baby Steps or Leaps and Bounds?

I'm stuck. I do this, I realize, and I know it's annoying. I go, go, go, then stop when I begin to feel slightly overwhelmed and confused. I'm not stopping permanently, I promise, we have been talking a lot, trying to figure out how to move forward.

This week we have been approached by a co-worker of Sparky's about taking in a 2 & 4 year old. I have no idea where she got this information, but apparently she knows of these toddler siblings that are eligible for adoption. I'm unsure of how I really feel about this. Part of me wants to jump, run to the nearest fingerprinting place and start the process yesterday. Part of me is scared silly at the thought of parenting two willfull toddlers at once. Instantly. So, we're pondering. And while I'm sure that these two little ones will find a good home, we are giving it serious thought and consideration.

We are also still considering searching for our own birthmother, or as a new development seeking adoption through the foster care system. We're reading, thinking and praying, and hoping that soon we will have the courage and confidence to push forward with whatever our decision will be. And I'm quite confident that it could, would and should be a combination of options.

So, that's our news. Hope you're having a happy day!

One Step Forward...Two Steps Back

Yesterday I had my meeting with a local adoption agency. To say that things did not go well, may have been the understatement of the century. Between bouts of the agent trying to talk me out of adoption, accusing me of being close-minded and stupid, and telling me time and time again that I have to be patient, I quickly decided that this was most certainly NOT the agency for us.

Bottom line, we will look for an agency in the Lower 48 that does placements in Alaska. With a lower population, especially in Central Alaska, there just aren't as many children to adopt. Now that I have a bigger playing field I will have more research to do, and of course it will depend if the agency does out of state placements. We do have a list of agencies to start with, and I guess tiem will tell.

We have also discussed possibly searching for our own birthmother, so we have a lot of thinking to do, and it should make for an exciting winter.

It is exciting, frightening and mind-boggling but I'm sure the excitement will help make it less scary, and once we get comfortable with the process it will hopefully become more clear.

Have a happy day!

Chachacha- Changes

A lot can change in the matter of days. It seems that things are finally starting to fall into place. Hallelujah!

We have rented a new home, with room for three. It's a quiet little place in the woods, not far from where we are now. 2 bedrooms, and cozy. But I can handle cozy. I have a job. And while it's not the big job I was hoping for, it's a job I love. So I'll take it.

On top of that, I finally scheduled an appointment with the agency in Fairbanks. Our appt will be on Monday, July 27. In the meantime I'm looking for my book so I know what to ask, expect, and what I should know. So we'll see how it is.

I am having some allergy issues, but I'm upbeat. I'm plugging away at the weight loss so I can be a happy, healthy, active mommy, and well, things are looking up. So up, up and away we go.

Have a happy day!

Up, Down, Up, Down

Can you see where I associate with the roller coaster? It's constant. One day I feel confident and secure in my decision, the next I get frustrated when things don't go my way. Apparently the day I wrote the last post I wasn't feeling any warm fuzzies. I am, however, happy to say that things are good.

I have found a job that I love. And no, it may not be what I was hoping for financially, but I feel fulfilled and I'm happy. We have decided to push forward. I have no idea how long the process will take, and my only major issue right now is that our living arrangements haven't changed, and that will probably delay our homestudy process.

We're both tired of waiting. We've really waited long enough. We soooo want to be parents. I am sure that there are one, or two, children out there that are meant to be ours. And that is exciting. I'm not afraid of adopting, or suddenly having everything I've been waiting for for 9 long years, I'm afraid of moving forward only to have to wait. Again.

I am choosing to ignore that possibility and push forward. So that's where we are. I am going to contact a couple local agencies to meet with them this week. And then check into any classes, seminars, counseling we may need. I am assuming that will depend on the agency we choose, and so on.

I'm so excited... :) Have a happy day!

When things just don't work

I am taking a break. From all things baby. For my sanity, for my health, I'm just putting it on the back burner for now. Not long (hopefully) but long enough. Right now things just aren't happening as quickly as I'd like, or in the order that I'd like.

I had two interviews today, but neither is Oscar worthy. I would love the one, like the other, and well, neither one of them will fulfill my wallet as much as I'd like. I think I'm having a small and early mid-life crisis. Is crisis the correct word? I don't know. But right now, short of living in a great state, and possibly finding a new job, not much else is falling into place.

So, I need to step back and take a look at what's wrong, and fix it. I need to find, figure and fix, and then I'll be back. But I'm hopeful and positive that soon we'll be chugging along...again. :)

Have a happy day!