One Step Forward...Two Steps Back

Yesterday I had my meeting with a local adoption agency. To say that things did not go well, may have been the understatement of the century. Between bouts of the agent trying to talk me out of adoption, accusing me of being close-minded and stupid, and telling me time and time again that I have to be patient, I quickly decided that this was most certainly NOT the agency for us.

Bottom line, we will look for an agency in the Lower 48 that does placements in Alaska. With a lower population, especially in Central Alaska, there just aren't as many children to adopt. Now that I have a bigger playing field I will have more research to do, and of course it will depend if the agency does out of state placements. We do have a list of agencies to start with, and I guess tiem will tell.

We have also discussed possibly searching for our own birthmother, so we have a lot of thinking to do, and it should make for an exciting winter.

It is exciting, frightening and mind-boggling but I'm sure the excitement will help make it less scary, and once we get comfortable with the process it will hopefully become more clear.

Have a happy day!

Up, Down, Up, Down

Can you see where I associate with the roller coaster? It's constant. One day I feel confident and secure in my decision, the next I get frustrated when things don't go my way. Apparently the day I wrote the last post I wasn't feeling any warm fuzzies. I am, however, happy to say that things are good.

I have found a job that I love. And no, it may not be what I was hoping for financially, but I feel fulfilled and I'm happy. We have decided to push forward. I have no idea how long the process will take, and my only major issue right now is that our living arrangements haven't changed, and that will probably delay our homestudy process.

We're both tired of waiting. We've really waited long enough. We soooo want to be parents. I am sure that there are one, or two, children out there that are meant to be ours. And that is exciting. I'm not afraid of adopting, or suddenly having everything I've been waiting for for 9 long years, I'm afraid of moving forward only to have to wait. Again.

I am choosing to ignore that possibility and push forward. So that's where we are. I am going to contact a couple local agencies to meet with them this week. And then check into any classes, seminars, counseling we may need. I am assuming that will depend on the agency we choose, and so on.

I'm so excited... :) Have a happy day!

Summer is here!

Happy Summer!

We are hoping for a fun and busy summer. One of the jobs that I have applied for closes at the end of this week. I am excited and hopeful, but also aware that it may not happen, and have begun making a list of other options. Hopefully I won't need them, but just in case, I'm prepared.

This week we are also hoping to finalize everything with the new rental. The owner is young, having fun, and very busy, which is great, but I need to get some things hammered out as the one month deadline is coming up very soon. So that's on the list of things to do.

Other than that, we are just enjoying our new decision. Growing increasingly comfortable with it every day, and I've noticed that Brent is voicing this decision, almost more than I do. That's the interesting twist. In the past Brent has always been more resistant to adoption, but now he's all for it, full speed ahead, which is great.

This week I'm also hoping to research more agencies in Alaska, and hopefully find some real information that doesn't come from a book. We don't know anyone here who has adopted through an agency, like we did in Minnesota, so it turns the tables a little bit. However, I am a firm believer in trusting my instincts, so I think we'll be fine. With instinct and prayer we will prevail! Ha!

So, happy day! I'll be back when I have some real news!!

Humming Along

Lately I've been reading. Sparky and I have been talking a lot about adoption, and just waiting to feel a little more settled. I think right now the major issue will be finding space for another body in this house. I don't care about perfect anymore, that went out the window nearly 9 years ago. But it would be nice to have the physical space for at least a bassinet.

Sparky has a co-worker whose wife deals with adoptions. I don't know if she's with an agency, or in what capacity, but I am interested in speaking with her. When we were in Minnesota we had first hand recommendations from a family friend regarding an agency. Here, we're free falling. So, at the minimum I'm hoping that she can provide me with people who have adopted here in Alaska.

Brent has another co-worker that adopted his 4 year old. However, it was a family adoption, and it was completed before they arrived here. That doesn't help me out. So for now I continue to gather information and hope and pray for guidance.

This step is exciting. I'm hoping we'll be making it very, very soon. And I'm looking forward to what the future holds for our family.

Have a happy day!

One Step Forward

So, we have been a little busy here. With the move, getting settled, Sparky starting his new job, we have a lot going on in our lives. So far we are liking the new location, and I hope that it stays that way. I'm sure that it will.

I had called and requested adoption information from a few local agencies. The information has been sitting on top of the fridge for about a week. A week. And I can't make myself read it, or research the agency. I don't know why. It's truly like I'm frozen in fear. Fear and longing. I'm hoping that I'll get over it soon.

Right now I think the biggest decision we have to face is whether or not to push forward with adoption. Then after that it will be to decide whether we are more comfortable with an agency or a adoption lawyer. There are benefits to both, and I'm sure there are drawbacks to both. I am busy collecting information and doing research and then we'll move forward from there.

I'm fortunate to have great friends and family. In recent months they have put themselves out there to find us a potential baby. Although those connections did not work out for us, I'm hoping that the ladies have made decisions that will make them, and their children, happy and healthy. So, that was a very positive discovery that we indeed have a lot of people looking out for us, our interests, and ultimately helping us build our family. We are truly blessed.

So, here lie the thoughts and ramblings of a mother...just waiting (and waiting and waiting) for
her child, or children.

Sweet Dreams!

Baby Steps...Literally

So today since I had some time on my hands I placed a couple of calls to adoption agencies in our area. Since we're in a new state I have no idea what the laws are, and the second place I called actually answered the phone and is sending us a packet. The packet will go out tomorrow and I'm super excited to get it and just learn more about their agency.

Sparky had a long day at work today, so he was way too exhausted to talk. It's not exactly a light topic of conversation anyway. And he's probably all talked out. I'll just show him the packet when it comes and we'll see what they have to say.

Have a happy day!