Hmmmm...

I have been thinking about all of this for most of the day. I am looking for a job. I was so hopeful and excited today, everything seemed to be going my way. Then I checked the status on three jobs that I applied for, and they deemed me unqualified. Pffft. Wrong answer. I knew that finding a job would be challenging, but now that I know that once I actually get a job, and get things lined up we can start the paperwork and the process to finally being a family, with children, it seems like it just isn't going to happen.

I'm still optimistic, and hopeful, but I'm growing impatient, and nervous, and bummed. Sparky is convinced that I don't have a chance at the job that I really want, and while I'll admit that he's the more pessimistic of the two of us, I know that I have to think in terms of reality. I know no one. Well, I know like 6 people here. One being my husband, so that makes my chances even more slim. And well, these jobs are good jobs, highly sought after, for good reason, but dang it, I was really hoping that I might have a shot. I'm not out, and I have faith, but I have started applying for other jobs that aren't really exactly what I was looking for.

So, I'm trying to be patient, but I am so anxious to get this all started. I want to shout it from the roof tops, and I'm really anxious to finally meet my child. And I know that portion of it is still a ways off, but I'm really excited to move closer to the point in which I can meet my child. Hold him/her in my arms, and I'm not going to share. LOL. Okay, maybe I will, I just want to see who has been waiting for me, as long as I've been waiting for him/her. Now, is that too much to ask?

Summer is here!

Happy Summer!

We are hoping for a fun and busy summer. One of the jobs that I have applied for closes at the end of this week. I am excited and hopeful, but also aware that it may not happen, and have begun making a list of other options. Hopefully I won't need them, but just in case, I'm prepared.

This week we are also hoping to finalize everything with the new rental. The owner is young, having fun, and very busy, which is great, but I need to get some things hammered out as the one month deadline is coming up very soon. So that's on the list of things to do.

Other than that, we are just enjoying our new decision. Growing increasingly comfortable with it every day, and I've noticed that Brent is voicing this decision, almost more than I do. That's the interesting twist. In the past Brent has always been more resistant to adoption, but now he's all for it, full speed ahead, which is great.

This week I'm also hoping to research more agencies in Alaska, and hopefully find some real information that doesn't come from a book. We don't know anyone here who has adopted through an agency, like we did in Minnesota, so it turns the tables a little bit. However, I am a firm believer in trusting my instincts, so I think we'll be fine. With instinct and prayer we will prevail! Ha!

So, happy day! I'll be back when I have some real news!!

Springing Along

As we inch up on summer, things seem to be looking up. Seem to be. I learned a long time ago never to count on anything that isn't written in stone. Like, just because we think we have a new place to live, doesn't mean we do. And just because I've applied for a million jobs, doesn't mean that I will be fortunate to land any of them. But in all positive thinking, I believe we're just that much closer to having a place to live.

We took a stroll out to see it tonight. Well, to see the outside. So we drove up and gawked and got our eye full. So, it looks promising. Very, very promising. So, hopefully in the next few days we'll be able to get a look inside, and then, God willing, we can cross that off our list.

Other than that, I'm still scanning the want ads and job search sites every single day. However, my options are limited. But I have faith that in time, it will happen. I pray and search for patience, but I'm having a hard time with patience. Patience is not something that comes to me easily, so being patient is a huge stretch for me. HUGE. So, somedays I just pretend that it's okay, and that seems to help. Some days I try not to think about any of it at all. And today I packed. Premature? Perhaps, but it's just stuff that we don't use and the space is and could be better utilized and occupied by other objects and articles.

So, that's what I do to try to stay optomistic. That and clean. I have been a cleaning machine. Windows, closets, cabinets, floors, porches, sheds and basically anything that stands still long enough. Watch out! Here I come.... LOL.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday. Normally, I am depressed by my birthday. Usually it's just another reminder that I am older, that my eggs are older, and that my chances of becoming a mother are slimmer. But not today. Today I am happy. I am blessed. I have a great life, and soon (Oh Dear God, PUHLEASE let it be soon) we'll be starting the adoption process. I am SO ready to be a mom. So. Ready. Well, I think I'm ready which I'm sure is much different than actually being ready.

So tomorrow when we pick up and pack away to a cabin in the woods, I will use that time to reflect on the last year, and to hope and pray for the pitter patter of tiny feet in the new one. I'm older, and hopefully wiser, and much more at peace with my life than I was even months ago. It's amazing what one (seemingly) small decision can make in your life.

So, today is indeed, a HAPPY Birthday!

Have a happy day!

Hello Friend

Meeting new people is always exciting. And since I am now going on month four in our new location, I'm beginning to meet people. It's fascinating to learn where they came from, why they're here, and what they do. I love people's stories, they all seem so much better and more interesting than mine. Inevitably the conversation turns to children. It's one of those harmless ice breaker questions, how many children do you have?

And for the most part, it's easy to answer. We don't have children...yet. I have noticed, however, now that I'm growing older, that the answer isn't as readily accepted as it was in my 20's. Now, it's usually posed as a question, and every-so-often you get the idiot that speaks out of turn, trying to ease his/her own discomfort, by saying that we made the "smart" choice by not having kids. Hmmmm. What do I do? Most often than not, I just smile, and die a little inside. It's hard, to be the infertile one. I think the pity is harder to deal with than the stupid comments.

Now, I know that these parents love their children. Really, I'm not that ignorant, or bitter. But sometimes it does pain me, just a little, that they don't truly realize what annoying little blessings they've been given. I know that being a parent isn't easy, but it is a blessing. And it isn't something that happens for everyone. It isn't a given. That's the mistake I made, assuming that it was my right, my guarantee. Ha! There are no guarantees. It is a privilege. And a blessing.

Count your blessings...name them one by one...Count your blessings...see what God has done.