I think God is trying to tell me something

Okay, so I try not to read too much into signs, and things like that. I believe that they exist, and sometimes I think He puts them in front of us to help us and guide us. Well, I think that's happening now.

Adoption has been a part of my life forever. One of my best friends growing up was adopted. It was never a huge thing, it's just how it was. It just...was. She and her brother were adopted and I never remember it being some life altering event, or information in our life. Maybe it was for her. I don't know.

As I grew up adoption was all around us. L and her family, my aunt and uncle pondered adoption, now I have friends that built their families through adoption. I'm fortunate to have lived it with them, to learn from them, and to bounce and ask away.

Sparky and I have been considering adoption for years now. Should we, shouldn't we? It seems like a no brainer, I know, but there are so many things to consider. So many. And with infertility there is a whole other level of mental game. It's hard to understand, and harder to explain.

I feel that I have researched and researched, I've joined message boards, and sought out information. Well, now that we're moving closer to making a definite decision, adoption ads, adoptive families, are EVERYWHERE. I think it may be a sign.

So, the moral of this post is that I think it's time for me to return calls, maybe contact some lawyers and agencies and try to decide what the best decision is.

I'm SOOOOOOO excited! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

So, I started a countdown of seven days of gratefulness. That didn't exactly work out due to my busy life, and hiccups along the way. However, in an effort to make up for that I decided to post seven things I'm grateful for. So, here they are...

7. Health- I'm grateful for my health and the health of my family. Our health is something that we often take for granted. Then something tragic happens to remind us how fragile life is. So after I get done stuffing myself with turkey, potatoes, salad, vegetables and pie, I think I'll make up a new work out plan.

6. Home- Though it will be changing soon, it's a place where I feel free, comfortable. Warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and sometimes vice versa. But it's a place to feel at ease with those that I love. There are so many people who don't have a roof, a floor, a place to feel completely safe and loved.

5. Jobs- More pointedly, the ability to work and provide for our family. Whether the location and type of work changes, we have the physical capability to work and earn a living.

4. Chessa- My sweet, loyal, loving girl. Snuggly in the morning, loves her babies, loves her "Daddy" more. Loves bones, and treats galore. But best of all, she just loves.

3. Friends- I have the greatest mixed bag of friends. They come in all locations, shapes and varieties. Some are still in my life, others are not. Each of them served a wonderful purpose, helped me through something, over something, or perhaps just maybe I did the same for them. I'm thankful for each person that has touched my life.

2. Family- Our families are hard-working, God-fearing, loving, out spoken, reserved, boisterous. They love unconditionally, fully, and passionately. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but under it all is love. We love each and everyone of you.

1. God- For all the many, many blessings He has bestowed on us and our families. Though we may not understand His works and His ways. May we learn patience, and trust in His infinite wisdom.

Wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving. May you have much to be thankful for this holiday season and always.

Love, The Kings

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...

Depending on the day I can hear my biological clock ticking away. Sometimes it's a very soft tick, other days it's not-so-subtle and I can almost audibly hear it, and other times it's an ear shattering clang at 100 beats per minute. Every year the tick seems quieter. Quieter? Yes, quieter.


Sparky and I talk frequently about becoming parents. For some reason, it's all a dream. Something that I'm never sure will come to fruition. We both desperately want to hold our children, to spend endless Saturday mornings in bed, watching cartoons, with the dog. And maybe a cat, or two.

This time of year is especially hard. It's supposed to be the happiest time of the year. A time for families. It's just us. We don't feel much like a family. Even though, I know the two of us make a very strong, loving family. Us, the dog and the cat. lol. We love. Strongly. Deeply. And we hurt. Deeply.

Each year we have faith that this will be "our" year. That this next holiday season will be shared with our child. So, we continue to have faith, and hope, and wish, and pray, that someday soon, our dreams come true.

In high school I was the classic overachiever. I was in every extra curricular sport and activity available. I smiled, I cajoled, I was a nice girl. Head cheerleader, peer helper, Miss Hometown. At 18, I had the world by the balls. And then I realized that I was a grown up. And my life as I knew it, was over. Much to my surprise, my family had a huge reaction to me taking control of my own life. At the time I felt it was unfair and outrageous, and now I understand that they were concerned and scared. It was after all, an about face. I left my dreams of college behind and decided I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother. It was a great goal. However, God had other plans for me. I learned quickly that I never had control. I never would have control.

We've struggled along the way because of my choices. Our choices. I regret a couple of the choices I made, but I don't regret being the woman that I am. I am so much stronger and smarter than I ever thought I could be, would be. For that I am eternally thankful.

Choices are a part of daily life. You choose to wear black, or brown, to have curly hair, or straight hair, sassy stilettos or those practical flats for running errands. These choices are how people first see us. Some become friends and get to know that you much prefer the sassy stilettos to those practical flats. And some see us sporadically, sometimes at our best, sometimes at our worst, and that is how they choose to view our lives.

My relationship with my family is strained. This weekend we are going "home". I am excited, and I am very,very nervous. My brother isn't speaking to me, for reasons that I don't know. This is the part that frustrates me. I feel that if I knew what it was, really was, that we could talk, that we could communicate. But he won't answer phone calls, or emails. That's his choice. Until he decides to make other choices, we don't have a relationship. I miss him and hope that someday we can patch whatever sprung a leak. But for now, it makes things uncomfortable.

Every time I'm home I struggle to find enough time for everyone. For my friends, for my family. for me. This will be the last time I'm able to make time for all of them. Then we move. So, I hope to let my hair down, relax and find a way to communicate and bond. So, tonight I'll pray to find a way to connect, relax, and make everyone happy, but especially myself.