In high school I was the classic overachiever. I was in every extra curricular sport and activity available. I smiled, I cajoled, I was a nice girl. Head cheerleader, peer helper, Miss Hometown. At 18, I had the world by the balls. And then I realized that I was a grown up. And my life as I knew it, was over. Much to my surprise, my family had a huge reaction to me taking control of my own life. At the time I felt it was unfair and outrageous, and now I understand that they were concerned and scared. It was after all, an about face. I left my dreams of college behind and decided I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother. It was a great goal. However, God had other plans for me. I learned quickly that I never had control. I never would have control.

We've struggled along the way because of my choices. Our choices. I regret a couple of the choices I made, but I don't regret being the woman that I am. I am so much stronger and smarter than I ever thought I could be, would be. For that I am eternally thankful.

Choices are a part of daily life. You choose to wear black, or brown, to have curly hair, or straight hair, sassy stilettos or those practical flats for running errands. These choices are how people first see us. Some become friends and get to know that you much prefer the sassy stilettos to those practical flats. And some see us sporadically, sometimes at our best, sometimes at our worst, and that is how they choose to view our lives.

My relationship with my family is strained. This weekend we are going "home". I am excited, and I am very,very nervous. My brother isn't speaking to me, for reasons that I don't know. This is the part that frustrates me. I feel that if I knew what it was, really was, that we could talk, that we could communicate. But he won't answer phone calls, or emails. That's his choice. Until he decides to make other choices, we don't have a relationship. I miss him and hope that someday we can patch whatever sprung a leak. But for now, it makes things uncomfortable.

Every time I'm home I struggle to find enough time for everyone. For my friends, for my family. for me. This will be the last time I'm able to make time for all of them. Then we move. So, I hope to let my hair down, relax and find a way to communicate and bond. So, tonight I'll pray to find a way to connect, relax, and make everyone happy, but especially myself.