A long and winding road...

So, I would like to say that with everything else on our plates we haven't had time to think about babies. This is so, so, so astronomically untrue. Our feelings of loss always escalate this time of year. We should be out shopping, taking pics of our little ones (not so tiny by now if it had happened) with Santa, at church Christmas programs, and various other seasonal joys. This year we don't have a tree because of the move, however, we didn't have one last year either. I just couldn't find a reason to celebrate.

Of course along with our moving plans we get the "oh, how exciting" or "how daring", and then the slap in the face "well, at least you don't have kids to worry about", or some variation of possibly the dumbest, most insensitive thing people can say. Um, you know me, It's been 8 years, 7 months since we decided to start our family. 8 freakin' years. Almost 9. I'd much rather have the "inconvenience" of children. I know that I shouldn't take it so personally, they're only trying to be excited and supportive, but it hurts, it sucks, and it always takes my breath away and leaves me momentarily speachless.

So many people in our lives are obsessed with perfection. The perfect child at the perfect moment in the perfect situation. Are you kidding? Have you learned nothing from our experience? Perfection does not exist. Does. Not. Exist. Not for me anyway. But in all of this, I am sure, scratch that, Iam POSITIVE that our perfect, sweet, adorable baby is waiting for just the right moment. Dear God, please let it be soon.