Pity Party

If you really don't want to hear me bitch and complain, I suggest you come back another day. I'm having a pity party, and while I tried to fight it off, it didn't work. I'm embracing it, going with it, and hopefully, just hopefully if I blog it out of my head, I'll be able to move on. That is my most sincere hope.

I try hard not to let all this get me down. I KNOW that things could be worse. I could have some horrid, painful disease, and that would be worse. But darn it. I'm tired of being sick, and so sick of being tired. I know it's cliche', but it's truly how I feel.

Most days I can accept that this is my life. It has been for many, many years now. But today, I don't want it to be anymore. I want to feel good, without the war of medication inside my body, I want to plan to have a baby, and have it happen. Just once. I don't want to be obese, and I'm tired of people looking at me and judging me by my weight.

The meds are working, I guess. The iron binds me up, and the met has the opposite effect. So I'm never really sure where I stand. Some times I'm fine, depending on what I eat, and I try to watch my carb/starch/sugar intake, so I don't get light-headed or headaches, or worse, the diarrhea. It's a no-win situation.

In other happy news the birth control pills are semi-working. I'm having break-through bleeding, so even though I don't have my "period" I'm still wearing a pad. Everyday. Ugh. In addition to the spotting/bleeding, I get moderate-severe cramps every afternoon about 2 p.m. into the evening. It's just a real joy.

I also confess that I have yet to start the phenteramine. Frankly, I'm afraid to. I know what to expect of the other medications, but how do I know with this one. Will it make me feel better? worse? Nothing at all? I have no idea. But today is the day. I need to set aside my fear, anxiety, maybe stubborn resistance? And just do it. As that infamous commercial says.

My hope is to one day, and hopefully in the near future, feel well enough, strong enough to do it without medications. To find a lifestyle, a new type of living, that helps me and my body have a normal life without side effects.

Hoping your day is happy...

Home Again

Well, it's been quite a week and a half. I ended the week before last by stopping the met, and stopping the iron supplements. We flew out to Dallas on Saturday morning, and my Friday evening was less than pleasant.

We spent the week in Dallas where I bounced between miserable, and fine. Just fine. But I had a doctors appointment yesterday where my worst fears were realized. Okay, not worst fears, but close. My iron levels did not come up at all. Not one little bit.

The good news is that I didn't gain weight while on vacation.

Anyway, since my levels are miserably low, and I'm fairly miserable anyway. I'm back on met, back on an iron supplement, and back to being slightly more miserable. But at least I'm home. In my own bed, the creature comforts of home. My furbabies, my hubby, my quilt lovingly hand sewn by my grandma.

Til later,
K

Bump in the road

And holy moses was it a big one! The metformin kicked in. I guess that's what you call it. I have a love/hate relationship with met. It helps me, it benefits my body, and it sucks. I thought I was taking a small enough dosage this time that it wouldn't. WRONGO. It took until Day 3, but disaster struck at 3:45 p.m.

I managed to survive. And I managed to cook dinner while I survived. So I guess all's well that ends well. Right?

Tonight I started the iron supplement which will hopefully counteract the side affects of the met, if it doesn't help though I will have to quit the met until we return from Dallas. There is no way I'm going to be stuck on a plane with this crap. lol. Literally. So for now I'm cautiously optimistic, and taking iron.

Anemic

This diagnosis did not surprise me. You cannot have a constant period for 10 months, and not be. Can you? But when I got the call from my doctor's office today I was shocked at how low my levels were. I'm barely there. Just above hospitalization. Yep, that bad.

Since we live in REMOTE Alaska, we have no local pharmacy. Well, we do, but it's hard to get a prescription there. So I must wait until we're in Fairbanks on Friday to pick up the new Rx. No worries, I stocked up on an OTC iron supplement, and a "gentle" laxative as well.

I promised Linda, my new favorite person, that I would beef up my diet, literally and add in some good leafy greens. Spinach, kale, hmmm...looks like we'll be having a very red and green week. :)

All in all, I already feel better. The met is going well. The bcp's are working, and I think I'm done bleeding. Finally. And well, life is looking up.

Have a happy day!

Appointment Update

I had the most surprising visit yesterday. I don't know why it was so surprising, I guess because I had given up and I just figured my doctor would let me. Not the case. And before you say that he bullied me, I LOVE him. He gave me hope. Something of which I have not had in a long, long time.

The clinic is nice, but small. I kind of like the small, intimate feeling, but it makes it harder to ignore the pregnant women and babies everywhere. Although, I will say when I was waiting I was in the mindset that this would never be me, so perhaps it won't be so bad next time.

When I went in he first addressed the issue at hand. My obscene, obnoxious periods. He told me that while he understood that I was frustrated, and tired, that it wasn't a reason to have a hysterectomy (without children), yet. He assured me that he could fix me. I listened.

The first prescription was for birth control pills. He seems convinced that on the short-term they will do exactly what he is hoping in getting the incessant bleeding to stop. He prescribed 2 pills twice a day until it stops. Then 1 pill twice a day for 3 days. Then continue as usual until the pack is gone.

In addition he prescribed me Metformin for the insulin resistance and PCOS. This is a build and see medication. For right now I'm starting out on 250mg 2x daily and building to 3g. Yep, huge amount, but I'm ready and willing. Oh, and did I mention that this medication makes me extremely ill?

So, because I'm on strong doses of the first two meds, I am also prescribed Zofran. For nausea. Enough said.

The final medication he gave me is phenteramine. This is obviously a little aid for weight loss. We'll see how it works. I haven't even heard of it since 1995 and the whole Phen/Fen fiasco. But my doctor insists that it's safe and we'll monitor it closely.

So, that's my assignment, my goal. Take the meds, try to lose some weight, and next month, when I go back he's prescribing Clomid. Can you believe it? I can't. I'm in shock. I had really given up on this portion of the parenthood track. Both Brent and I are ecstatic. It's a little shot of hope and renewed energy.

Happy Day!

Sleepless

It's 3:30 a.m. on the morning of my appointment. At this point in time I've had a whopping 1 hour of sleep. Just for the record, it's not enough. What's the issue? I'm not quite sure. A lot on my mind I guess. Pair that with itchy skin and a much-too-warm house, I have insomnia. And let's face it, I'm not all that happy about it. Seriously.

I sit here snuggled up with my puppy, yes, I know, that makes me a very bad fur mom. Thinking about the day ahead. I would really like some sleep. But it eludes me. Even as I type my eye lids grow heavy, but as soon as the light goes off, my eyes fly open. Life, is definitely not fair.

I'll stay up for a while now. At least until the hubby gets up for work. In fact, I'll get up and pack his lunch so that I can hit the bed, all by myself when he gets up for work. I'm hoping to catch at least a couple more hours of sleep. That should help.

I'll be back later. To let you know what the doc says.

Anticipation

I'm really looking forward to Friday's appointment. Especially since we're hoping to do some traveling, camping, you know, living this spring/summer. I'm hoping that my new doc has some REAL answers. Permanent or not, I need to do something. I cannot will not live like this anymore.

So, my appointment is Friday. IF I can get Brent's company to realize that we are married. Oh my gosh, you'd think since they just finished up a complete background check on him a year ago, and that I've sent them a copy of our marriage license, utility bills, insurance cards, etc that it would be sufficient information. But no. Idiots. I mean, seriously?? Ugh. Whatever.

Other than that. Nothing much has changed. Just plugging along.