Flipping and Flopping...

Okay, I just want to say that I'm not a twit. I'm not. But I'm not one that takes responsibility lightly. And I also have this guilt complex. I want to clarify that my reservations are not with adoption itself. I'm very clear on that. And I have no doubt that at the minimum a portion of our family will come through adoption.

I have an issue with being told what to do. I'll take it from God. After all, He's the Master, and His word is the only word. However, it is my defiant nature, just ask my parents (ha!), that I strongly resist someone bossing me around. Okay, so this is where the indecision comes in. I don't want to be rude, or rash, or say something in haste.

I have come to terms with my infertility. Having a biological child is no longer something that I have to do. It is simply something that I would like to do. However, no matter how much I try, I may never have a biological child. And that truly is fine. My issue is being told that once I adopt a child I no longer have a right to decide whether or not to pursue more fertility treatments. We may, or we may not, but in my opinion, that is our choice. It is not for someone else to decide.

So, that is where my indecision lies. I am still convinced that adoption is how our family will be built. Whether it's 100% or not, I have no idea. That's my sticking point. But we are still researching agencies, seeking out information, and networking in any way, shape and form. I do not doubt my ability to love any child. Whether that child is red or yellow, black or white, biological or adopted, male or female has no determination on my ability to bond or love. The process may be different, but I know the result will be the same. I have NEVER doubted that.

I think the process for others is quicker. But once I commit I can guarantee there will be no going back. I will commit. I AM committed.

Have a happy day!