Family Guy

Sparky and I are a big fan of the animated show Family Guy. It's a great show full of off-color humor and while I have seen other shows that push the boundaries of really inappropriate humor, tonight I was really bothered and Sparky actually changed the channel. I know if he changes the channel, then I'm not being overly sensitive.

We were sitting watching the episode featuring Good Ole Bill Clinton, which is hilarious by the way, when all of sudden there was a scene, a ditty, about Prom night dumpster babies. Ugh. It was horrid. I was shocked. And so...angry. I know it was in jest, but I guess it's just much too personal for me. And truthfully it's something thtat bothers me. I know it's stereotypical. There are a lot of responsible teen mothers who raise their children, or place their children for adoption, but it just stung. It really hurt.

Anyway, moving on. So I know that I gave this huge rousing speech earlier in the week, but I have been busy, busy, busy. I have had no time to do anything with the adoption stuff. But I'm getting there.

I have changed my diet and am phasing out starches. I still have oatmeal for breakfast. I eat the traditional cook and serve, and also a cold oatmeal cereal. It's good for my cholestorol level which is elevated because of PCOS. So, that will be the last element I cut out in time. For now I'm phasing them out, and I have NO starches after lunch, and minimal at lunch. So far so good. But it's only Tuesday, of the first week. Ha! I think I'm reasonable, it will all come in time.

I have also started working out again. I'm doing videos at home, and really miss the home gym that I didn't use for the past 1.5 years. Man. But I did pick up two new videos and they seem to be good, both of them, in their own right. They are kicking my buttoon, so I figure that's a good guage. I'll let you know if/when I start to see results.

Have a great day!

Moving Forward

Somewhere over the weekend I took the trip to see the great and powerful Oz. I don't know when I found the time, but it must have been while I was sleeping. But whatever, I'm happy that it happened. He gave me great advice, as it turns out.

Since knowledge is power I have decided to continue gathering as much information as humanly possible. Why not? We still haven't made the decision of which direction we are planning to go. Brent is still learning toward attorney and networking ourselves, and I'm leaning towards an agency.

So I'm starting out by buying this book. I've heard that it's the best in the what's to know about everything adoption. After that I'm digging out the information that I received a couple weeks ago from an agency in Fairbanks, and then I'm going to continue down the list of numbers I have to seek out more information.

In between all of that I'm going to get my sorry butt working, since having children isn't exactly cheap, I need to start bringing in some money. In addition to that my brain is craving something to do on a daily basis.

Also, because my PCOS has had a nice long hiatus of a few months I'm going to be starting my Metformin, a common treatment for PCOS this morning. Met usually leaves me feeling pretty crummy, so it's a good thing that I'm home. I'll have to build up my tolerance over the next few weeks. That should give me something to complain, er I mean blog about, in the coming days.

I know I seem half crazy, but dealing with infertility is much more about the emotional and mental scars for me. After feeling like I've been knocked down time after time, I really just have to build myself up for the next portion of the journey. I'm beyond excited to finally become a mom, and I know that biology has NOTHING to do with love. Truthfully, I have no doubts about my ability to love whatever child/ren God has for us. In fact, I'm quite convinced that I just wasn't meant to have bio children. Great. Honestly, I just wish I'd figured that out sooner.

Heaven knows that the journey here has been full of ups and downs, but I'm fastening my seatbelt and getting ready for the next (and undoubtedly best) portion of the ride. Hands up, mouths open, leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet's gooooooooooooooooo!!!

Have a happy day!

I need a trip to the Wizard of Oz

I am normally a pretty outgoing person. Once I make up my mind I usually just go for it. So, why oh why cannot I not just move forward with at least reading the adoption information that I have received? I'm afraid. Truly afraid.

It's not like me to be the Cowardly Lion. I usually know what I want and go for it. So it frustrates me. I get so far, and stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. It's really quite annoying. Really annoying.

So, that's really all the further I've gotten on that front.

In other news, it's been a pretty emotional week. A co-worker of my baby brother's was injured in the line of duty. Please keep Deputy Dewey in your thoughts and prayers. He was shot in the abdomen and the head. We are praying for his recovery.

Also, a friend from high school was killed this a.m. While we weren't close, he was close to someone I was close to at one time, and it just brings our mortality to mind. He was my age, and dated one of my closest friends once upon a time. It just hits you in the heart. I feel for his children and his family.

Progress in bits

Hello Everyone!

Well, we have had an interesting weekend. If you read my other blog you'll know that our vehicle broke down, and our computer crashed. While it wasn't quite the Valentine's Day that I was hoping for, it turned out to be a good time to focus on the positive. If things are going to go wrong, I guess this is the way to have it happen.

This also stands true with our infertility. While I would prefer to have had children in my time versus God's time, I have come to understand that ultimately He knows what's best for us. Maybe, just maybe, He has a better plan for my life than I could have imagined.

During our trip to Fairbanks on Sunday Brent and I were able to have a very good, honest talk about our life, adoption and our plans for the future. Brent is leaning towards hiring a lawyer and networking on our own. That surprised me a little, but not as much as I might have thought in the beginning. So, we'll sit down when life settles down a little bit, and then we'll make a firm decision.

It's still the research stage, and I'm trying to collect as much information, and good, real information as possible. Then we'll go from there.

For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling very positive and happy about becoming a mom. We'll see. Only time will tell.

Happy Day!

I'm Quirky

I guess anyone that knows me, knows that I'm quirky. I have many different sides to me. And I personally think it's very good, but annoying.

When Brent and I first started trying to build our family I used to buy a "good luck charm" every time I would pee on a stick. Now I have a tote full of GLC's sitting in the storage unit waiting for that baby that is taking his/her sweet time. For some I'm sure that it would be sad, but for us it's been comfort. To pull out this or that and hope, dream, wish. So, someday I'm going to have to go and retrieve that tote that we've been collecting all these years.

Since I'm divulging secrets, I can also tell you that we have our children named. In fact, if truth be told, I could name Nadya Suleman's family from start to finish. Of course, as with everything, there is good and bad in that. Everytime someone I know is having a baby I hold my breath, and fervently hope that they don't choose the names that top our lists. So far, so good. I think that last revision for those reasons took place about 5-6 years ago. And I'm really over it. Well, I'm over it now. But it is ultimately, just a name.

As I said, I'm quirky. But I've also learned over time, that I'm not quite so abnormal as I once thought.

Sweet Dreams!

One Step Forward

So, we have been a little busy here. With the move, getting settled, Sparky starting his new job, we have a lot going on in our lives. So far we are liking the new location, and I hope that it stays that way. I'm sure that it will.

I had called and requested adoption information from a few local agencies. The information has been sitting on top of the fridge for about a week. A week. And I can't make myself read it, or research the agency. I don't know why. It's truly like I'm frozen in fear. Fear and longing. I'm hoping that I'll get over it soon.

Right now I think the biggest decision we have to face is whether or not to push forward with adoption. Then after that it will be to decide whether we are more comfortable with an agency or a adoption lawyer. There are benefits to both, and I'm sure there are drawbacks to both. I am busy collecting information and doing research and then we'll move forward from there.

I'm fortunate to have great friends and family. In recent months they have put themselves out there to find us a potential baby. Although those connections did not work out for us, I'm hoping that the ladies have made decisions that will make them, and their children, happy and healthy. So, that was a very positive discovery that we indeed have a lot of people looking out for us, our interests, and ultimately helping us build our family. We are truly blessed.

So, here lie the thoughts and ramblings of a mother...just waiting (and waiting and waiting) for
her child, or children.

Sweet Dreams!

More than my Infertility

I'm on facebook. Are you on facebook? Anyway, it's a great tool for staying in touch. It seems like everyone gets busier and busier these days and no one has time for a full email let alone a full phone call. Anyway, on facebook they put together all these little notes. In one note you are to name 25 random things about you. One of my 25 things was this:



My infertility does not define me and will not keep me from being a mother.



It's true. I am so much more than this label that has been placed on me. Most infertile women are more than this horrible, horrible thing that has happened to them, and yet, it seems like it's the only thing that some of the people in their lives can remember about them.

Infertility has changed me. I no longer take things for granted, I'm no longer willing to just take someone else's word and leave it at that, I am stronger, I am strong-willed, and I am less romantic about most notions in life.

For a long time I have regretted not completing college. At the time, I just wasn't ready. I had no desire once I got there, all I wanted was to get married and have children. I have always planned on going back to school when the kids were in school. Sounds reasonable and normal. However, 9 years later I still want to go to school, and there are no children. So, now I have to re-evaluate another portion of my life and come up with a solution that I am happy with.

That seems what my life has become. Re-evaluations and solutions, or compromises if you will. But I guess that's what life always is.

A New Baby in the Family

I got the best news today. It seems my "little" cousin is expecting, and she's expecting a baby girl! How exciting!!

Sometimes I wonder why I don't hear the news sooner. I'm sure part of it is because we're miles and miles apart. I'm sure some of it is just because. And I wonder if part of it is because of my infertility. I guess it could be a combination of all of it.

The truth is yes, sometimes it is hard. But for the most part, I am truly happy for those around me who are fortunate enough to experience the miracle of a child. It is a miracle. It's an everyday miracle, but miraculous it is. To me.

So, for H&J, I wish you and your baby girl-to-be everything wonderful. I wish for you a happy and healthy pregnancy, and a lifetime of love and happiness and PINK.

Happy Day!